Hard to do, sometimes, looking forward and not back.
Yesterday before I drove to the beach to have lunch with Angie and the grandkids, I went to the cemetery to add new flowers to Tim’s gravesite. The blue-lavender and white ones were still pretty, I just added a new bunch with darker lavender-purple and a few red flowers into the center of the others.
As I walked past other grave markers and flower arrangements, I realized again that some graves get little attention. Yes, there are flowers in their bronze containers, but they look old, faded, fragmented and sad.
After another while, who knows how long, I will probably take the flowers away, turn Tim’s little metal vase upside down into its container, and stop visiting much. I have never put flowers at my parents’ gravesite at Mt. Hope. I never thought of them as being there. It wasn’t close by, therefore it wasn’t convenient for me to drive over and take “fresh” (meaning newly minted artificial) flowers.
I don’t think of Tim as being at Florence Memorial Gardens, either. I think of him as being somewhere quite, quite different! Lively, energetic, fascinating, challenging, big, advanced – it’s hard to put into words. But because I do live close by and it is convenient, I drive over occasionally and take “fresh” flowers. I don’t like the idea of his gravesite looking sad and neglected as so many others do.
Maybe one day I’ll stop. I’ll turn the bronze vase over, seal it up in it’s little storage slot and quit visiting the cemetery very much. One day, but not yet.